It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Two words: blizzard sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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