Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
