He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
