Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
