she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
