Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
