Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Holy shit dude........stairs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
