I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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