woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
