My nipple is on Facebook.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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