I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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