she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
