No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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