I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
