Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
