My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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