well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
