I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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