"it" just moved
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
