why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
