wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
