would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
