I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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