evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
