why didn't you poke me back
I could make wine with my vomit
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
