Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
