listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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