I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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