Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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