dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
