Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
