She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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