Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
