and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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