Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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