She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
