I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
