I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
