just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When are your genitals available?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
