i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
