I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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