if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize