so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
