i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
