the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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