If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
