when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize