between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
