I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
