Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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