Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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