How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
