So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
