i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize