The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
