remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
