so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
