Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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