good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
