This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
