I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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