I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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