I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
