look no pants
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
