Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize