he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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