Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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