their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
