She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
