Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
